Different Worlds: How Children with Autism Play and Connect

Different Worlds: How Children with Autism Play and Connect

As parents, we all know how exciting (and sometimes challenging) it can be to watch our kids grow, especially when it comes to play and making friends. If you’re a parent of an autistic child, you might have already noticed how their play and social behaviors differ from those of other kids. Taking a neuroaffirming approach—one that celebrates all kinds of brains—can help us understand these differences and create a supportive, inclusive environment where every child can thrive.

Play: A Window into Different Worlds

Imagine two children, Emma and Liam, playing side by side in the same room. Emma, a non-autistic child, may engage in pretend play, imagining that her dolls are having a tea party. She might create elaborate stories about the dolls’ adventures. On the other hand, Liam, an autistic child, might engage in repetitive play, arranging the tea party pieces in a specific way or repeating the same actions. While Emma’s play might involve social interaction, Liam’s play is often focused on organisation, pattern recognition, or deep engagement with the object itself.

This is a great example of how play can look different. For Emma, play often serves as a social experience, a chance to explore relationships and imaginary worlds. For Liam, play is more about comfort, order, and a personal connection with his toys. Both types of play are valid and important; they simply reflect different ways of engaging with the world.

Autistic children may prefer solitary or parallel play, where they play alongside others without seeking direct interaction. This doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in social connection—it just means they might express it differently. For example, Liam may watch Emma play and enjoy being close to her, but he may not immediately join in the same way she does. Instead, he might occasionally mimic her actions or remain absorbed in his own activity and playing his own way.

Making friends: Connecting in different ways

Conversations and interactions can also look different for autistic children. Non-autistic children might like to have spontaneous conversation, share ideas, and negotiate roles with their peers. This might involve back-and-forth exchanges like, “I’ll be the teacher, you be the student”. These behaviours can feel overwhelming or even unappealing for some autistic children who may find it challenging to follow the rapid give-and-take.

Liam, for example, might prefer to play quietly or focus on a single interest, like building a tower with blocks, without feeling the need to share or initiate conversations. When he starts a conversation it might be to talk about his favourite topics and he might like to share lots of information on it. He may show his interest in social connection in different ways—like seeking the presence of another child, offering them a toy, or quietly observing their play from a distance. 

On the other hand, some autistic children will prefer to be the ‘boss’ and try to control the words and actions of others. This can often be seen in autistic girls. This wish to be in control may come from a lack of confidence in managing social situations. 

Different is okay 

It’s important to know that none of these play or social differences between autistic and non-autistic children are wrong. For Emma and Liam to play together, it’s important for each of them to understand and respect their own play styles and ways of interacting. Both of them might need some help showing empathy and being flexible so they can get along. 

As parents, it’s important to support your child in ways that respect and honour their individuality. Encouraging them to explore their interests (whether they are focused on solitary activities or social play) helps them build confidence in their abilities and enhances their social skills over time.