04 Sep How to be more of the parent I want to be?
Being a parent is a complicated role. It can sometimes feel like the best job in the world and other times feel overwhelming and as though we are failing at it. There are so many balls to juggle, so many competing demands, that it can feel very confusing at times.
For example, How do I respond to my children in an emotionally aware manner and also place limits on their behaviour? How do I have fun with my children while also remaining in charge? How do I support my children in their activities while also saving time and energy for myself?
I often see parents who experience strong feelings of guilt or remorse related to how they have parented their child, especially in a challenging situation. And being a psychologist does not make me immune to this experience!
There is certainly no one clear answer to these scenarios but in my journey as a psychologist I have learned many ways to help parents with the question of ‘how can I be more of the parent I want to be’?
The idea I want to share today is around VALUES. Values is a core component of a type of psychological therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Values refer to qualities that are important to us, ways to describe the type of person we want to be (and in this case, the type of parent we want to be), ways of being in the world that align with what matters to us.
For example, most parents Value being Loving and Kind. Parents might also Value being Encouraging, Respectful, Forgiving. Or perhaps being Playful, Safe, Grateful. What we Value is a personal matter, everyone can have their own Values.
So how can this help us as parents?
Well you might like to take some time to first think about what your Values as a parent might be. Perhaps even take a moment to write them down, draw them.
Then have a think about what those Values might look like as a behaviour? What is something I could do as a parent to show I am Loving, Fun, Safe?
Have a go putting this into action with your child and committing to such behaviours. For example, showing some affection (Love), joining with your child in a game of their choice and displaying your joy (Fun), or making some time to learn about internet safety controls (Safety).
When you are experiencing a challenging moment it can be so helpful to pause and think about your parenting Values and check if there is a way you could act more in-line with what matters to you.
Go gently on yourself.
If you would like to learn more about parenting strategies or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy there are many more resources on our website or you could enquire about meeting with one of our psychologists.
