I am a bad mum.
Ok. I I said it. And I can tell you a million and one reasons why that statement is 100% true.
My mind has stored away every single time I messed up as a mum. The times I have yelled and lost my temper, the times if have forgotten to pack the lunch box, the times I have been absent from the school event because I had to work, just to name a few.
You see our mind is a great storyteller and it just loves to store away all the ‘bad’ stuff that we do and dig it up when something goes wrong, just to remind us of how bad we are and how we are simply not good enough.
But when I get caught up in this bad mum story it starts to make me feel bad and then my actions are not likely to be in line with being the mum I want to be. And so the cycle continues.
Our mind tells stories all day long. And this is a normal and natural thing that our minds do. We can not stop this. And when we try, we just create more problems.
The trick is to learn how to notice and name these stories for what they are, just a story.
So every time my mind wants to beat me up about something I have done ‘wrong’ as a mum, I simply say – ‘oh, there’s my I am a bad mum story playing again. I know how that one ends.’
In this sense I allow myself to ‘defuse’ from the story, I do not get caught up in it, I do not debate it, I simply let it pass by and instead focus on what matters to me – in this case my kids.
I know that might sound overly simplistic, but I want to challenge you to try it. Notice what happens when you get caught up with one of your stories. And notice what happens when you give that story a name and your label it.
For me it gives me the space to make a choice rather than just being stuck in one way of thinking and acting.
This is just one way to practice the skills of defusion and to work on variations of the ‘I am not good enough’ story that likes to play in our minds.
If you would like to find out other ways or you need some help actioning this naming the story skill, let us know. We would love to help you defuse from your stories and in the process help you to flourish and thrive in your life.