Listening skills for parents

14/01/2023 | Pek Lee
Listening skills for parents Image

Listening is a skill.

Listening can be highly effective. However, it’s not easy because parents have to actively “do nothing”. Listening can be very effective for helping children who are feeling nervous and/or worried (see blog “How to help your nervous or worried child by “simply” listening”).

However, if you notice your uncomfortable thoughts/feelings when trying to listen (e.g., “I feel like I’m doing nothing”, “I don’t want them to feel this way”), you will come to realise that the managing your own thoughts and feelings, while listening, is hard and that you are definitely “doing something”. You’re just doing something in a way that either wasn’t obvious to you before, or you may have previously viewed listening as a passive activity.

When you are focusing on listening and acknowledging your child’s feelings, you will notice that you are not rushing in and trying to “fix the problem”. Notice that this means saying a lot less than you are used to and notice if this is uncomfortable for you!

Know that you can work towards being comfortable with it, you may find that your child will experience your calm, unhurried approach because they now have time to process an experience i.e., they get to feel their feelings, know what those feelings are and what they are about.

Listening is, of course, not the sole answer to helping a nervous and worried child. However, it is an extremely powerful tool and, for some children, may be just the thing.

If you’ve tried out these recommendations but you need further guidance, you might like to consider seeing one of the child psychologists at Prosper Health Collective for some extra support. These types of problems are best dealt with sooner rather than later before they become entrenched and more difficult to overcome.