Managing Mixed Emotions

We often talk about feeling particular emotions, like feeling anxious, feeling sad, feeling angry or feeling happy. But what about the experience of having multiple emotions at once? Is this possible? Is this common?

Yes we can, and frequently do, experience multiple emotions at once. We can even experience quite different emotions, seemingly opposing emotions, at the same time.

You have probably heard the terms ‘bitter sweet’, ‘mixed emotions’ or ‘feeling torn’. This refers to the experience of having possibly conflicting emotions, and associated thoughts, in response to a particular environmental situation. This is a common and valid experience.

Have you ever experienced this?

I recently went on a rather large rollercoaster and certainly had a mix of fear and excitement as I secured the safety rail! Perhaps you might have been on a date with someone and experienced both enjoyment and nervousness? Watched your young child head off to school and noticed feelings of sadness and relief? Gone to a job interview and felt both anxiety and determination?

How can this affect us?

As complex beings our internal experience (including our thoughts and feelings) can often seem very confusing. Indeed it is confusing when we have quite different emotions co-occur. We might feel stuck and unsure how to respond to a situation. We might feel unsure of ourselves.

Sometimes we might notice that one emotion seems stronger than the other. My excitement about the rollercoaster was stronger than my fear (only just!). Sometimes we might notice that we are more comfortable with one emotion than another co-occurring emotion, or we might try to ignore or suppress one emotion and pay closer attention to another.

What can be helpful in dealing with mixed emotions?

It is usually helpful to try and acknowledge our emotions. Can you even have a-go at naming your different emotions?

Try to be curious and gentle with yourself rather than judgemental. It will usually make us feel worse if we tell ourselves that we “shouldn’t” be feeling this way. Perhaps try “it is OK that I feel this way”.

Try to make a connection between the different emotions and different thoughts or triggering events. What reasons might there be for the different emotions? This might help bring a greater sense of understanding.

Make use of the word “AND” instead of “BUT”. Say to yourself “I notice I feel excited about my basketball game AND I also feel really nervous”. “I really like spending time with my friend AND I don’t like it when they don’t reply to my messages”. This can help have greater acceptance of having mixed emotions and normalise the experience.

Get more comfortable with uncertainty. As I already mentioned, us humans are complex beings and not everything is straight forward.

If you would like more help in understanding your different emotions please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Prosper Health Collective.