28 Feb My thighs are too fat: Promoting positive body image in young children
Recently I was horrified to have my 7-year-old daughter tell me that her thighs were too fat and she hated them and wished that they would be smaller. I should note at this point that my daughter is built like a bean pole and it would be impossible for her thighs to be any smaller. My initial impulse (which I managed to curtail) was to tell her that she was being ridiculous and not to say such utter garbage. Instead, I explored her feelings with her and tried to understand where such an idea had come from. Unfortunately, I uncovered little about where the idea has sprouted from, which lead me to examine the environment in which she lives. Being a psychologist who has worked with eating disorders I have always been careful not to expose her to talk regarding ‘fatness’, to see food as good and bad, to ever use the word diet or judge her by her appearance. And yet, at the tender age of 7 she is already judging herself as not fitting the ‘thin mould.’ Clearly influences from outside our home are taking hold.
Her revelation had me review everything that I had put in place to ensure that she developed a positive body image and learned to love her body. Listed below is my checklist for promoting healthy body image which includes:
- Being a role model for positive body image. Specifically:
- Model healthy eating and exercise, no diets
- No fat talk of any sort (e.g. I will get fat if I eat that)
- No negative body talk (e.g. my hips are too wide)
- Accept others weight and shape
- Love and accept your own body
- Highlight children’s achievements and qualities unrelated to appearance
- Celebrate the things their body can do
- Encourage them to talk about their feeling and really listen
- Question and challenge society and the media’s concept of ‘beauty’ at any possible opportunity
In the process of me reviewing resources and ideas for body image in younger children, I went searching for books that we could share together to really help bring home the message that her body is fine just the way it is. A great list of 25 positive body image books for kids can be found here.
I also discovered another wonderful book called Beautiful Girl by Dr. Christiane Northrup. The artwork in this book alone is magical and a real feast for the eyes and the soul. But more importantly it is a beautifully written book about the wonders and uniqueness of the female body. The book encourages girls to learn that their bodies are perfect just the way they are, the importance of treating themselves with gentle care, and that changes are just a part of growing up. It is a book that I am looking forward to enjoying with my daughter many times over.
Think of your body like a magical garden – always growing and changing, full of colour and life. – C. Northrup.
Assured that I have been following my own checklist to the best of my abilities to assist my daughter to develop a healthy body image, my task ahead is to keep doing what I have been doing. Perhaps to be having more regular conversations or taking time to point about the wonders and uniqueness of her body in the hope that this will cancel out all the negative forces that have led her to believe that her thighs are too fat. In doing so I hope that the gift that I can give my daughter is to love the body she is in.
