The Gottman Approach to Couples Counselling

30 May The Gottman Approach to Couples Counselling

When the presenting issue is a relationship problem, individual therapy is likely to have limited benefit as only half of the relationship is being presented; as an individual in a relationship, you can only do so much to effect change in the relationship. A lack of mutual understanding and effective communication is often the source of problems in a relationship. The Gottman Approach is scientifically informed method of couples counselling.

Back in the 1970s, John Gottman, a psychologist received funding from the US Government to study relationships. He invited couples to spend a week in an apartment lab, where all their interactions were recorded and reviewed. Using this vast amount of data, Gottman was later able to predict with high accuracy which behaviours in a relationship would predict couples staying together after seven years and divorcing after seven years. This later developed into a model for relationships called The Sound Relationship House.

Notice how it’s called The Sound Relationship House and not The Perfect Relationship House. We are wanting the relationship to function reasonably well and not striving for perfection, as that is unrealistic. In the Sound Relationship House, a couple’s relationship is assessed against several themes:

• Building Love Maps: knowing your partner and feeling known by them
• Sharing Fondness and Appreciation: the ability to notice a partner’s positive attributes and behaviours, and express appreciation for each
  other
• Turning Towards Instead of Away: communication of needs for attention or connection with each other
• The Positive Sentiment: Positive sentiments about the partner outweigh the negative
• Managing Conflict: learning how to effectively manage conflict
• Making Life Dreams Come True: feeling that the relationship supports each partner’s life dreams
• Creating Shared Meaning: life has a sense of shared purpose and meaning
• Trust: each partner acts in ways that maximises benefits for their partner and the relationship, not just for themselves
• Commitment: each partner believes that the relationship is a lifelong journey.

The relationship is assessed by:

1. a 90 minute joint interview where the couple’s presenting problem,
   history of the relationship, challenges in the relationship are explored, as
   well as the therapist viewing the couple discuss a topic of ongoing conflict
   to see how the couple manages conflict
2. a comprehensive online questionnaire that assesses against the themes in the Sound Relationship House. This takes two to three hours to complete, but thankfully can be split into as many blocks as you’d like.
3. Individual interviews with each partner where family of origin, history of prior relationships, commitment to the relationship and other factors thatmight impact on the relationship are explored.

All this information is used to create a report on the relationship, which is discussed and a copy given to the couple. The report uses the Sound Relationship House as the template, identifying whether each theme is a strength or challenge for the relationship, based on data, not the clinician’s interpretation. This report informs the treatment and each session thereafter involves both partners, where interventions will be used to address the couple’s challenges in the relationship.

The Gottman Approach emphasises the therapist facilitating improved connection and communication between couples. It is quite different from
couples counselling portrayed in TV shows, which can make the therapist look rather interpretative in nature and the arbiter of who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’.

It is important to note that couples counselling is, unfortunately, not covered by Medicare. However, many private health funds do offer a rebate. If you think The Gottman Approach might be helpful for your relationship, please contact us at Prosper Health Collective; we’re here to help you and your relationship thrive.