26 Nov Setting & Maintaining Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season
With the holiday season upon us, I want to talk about something that’s so important for maintaining your peace of mind—setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships, especially when there are more people, more events, and sometimes, more stress than usual.
The holidays are a time of joy and connection, but they can also bring a lot of pressure. Whether it’s complex family dynamics, social obligations, or just the sheer number of events we’re expected to attend, it’s easy for our boundaries to get overlooked and for burnout to set in. Here are some tips on how to set healthy boundaries with loved ones, how to stick to them, and how to handle those moments when your boundaries are tested.
1) Know your limits. Take a moment to reflect on what you can realistically cope with during the holidays. How much energy do you have to give? Consider things like how much time you can spend with family, how many social events you can attend, or even how much financial or emotional energy you’re willing to invest in certain situations. Everyone has a different capacity, and it’s important not to take on too much.
A good analogy might be: If you were filling up a bucket with water, how full can it get before it overflows? The holidays can sometimes feel like you’re trying to fill a bucket that’s already too full, so try to identify where your boundaries are before you’ve reached the point of exceeding them.
2) Effective communication—specifically, communicating in a manner that is clear and assertive. This is where things can get tricky. Sometimes, we avoid setting boundaries because we worry how others will react or we don’t want to disappoint people. But in the long term, if we don’t prioritise our own needs, we can find ourselves frustrated and overwhelmed. When you’re clear and direct about your needs, you’re actually showing respect to yourself and others, because you’re being honest about what you can and can’t do.
3) The ‘broken record’ technique. If someone is pushing against your boundary, repeat your needs calmly and firmly—without getting defensive or excessively apologising. For instance, if someone is pressuring you to stay longer at an event than you’re comfortable with, you can simply say, “I need to leave by 8 PM”, and keep repeating that calmly and respectfully if necessary.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it becomes more natural. You have the right to say no, and you don’t need to explain or justify it endlessly. Repetition helps to solidify your boundary and communicate it clearly without being drawn into unnecessary conflict.
4) Managing conflict in the event that your boundaries are not respected. This is a tough one because, unfortunately, no matter how well you communicate with others, sometimes your boundaries will be tested.
When this happens, it’s important to stay calm and grounded. First, acknowledge the other person’s feelings—this shows that you’re hearing them and validating their experience, even if you don’t agree with it. For example, you could say, “I understand that you’re disappointed I can’t attend this event, and I wish I could be there, but I’ve already committed to other things”.
If necessary, suggest a compromise that works for you. For example, “Maybe we can set up some time together after the holidays to catch up.” This way, you’re still showing you care but also protecting your emotional and physical energy.
5) Self-care is not selfish. Setting boundaries is an important part of looking after yourself, because it allows you to prioritise your own well-being and emotional needs, so that you can continue to be present for others in an authentic and sustainable way without becoming frazzled, irritable, or overwhelmed.
I hope these tips are helpful for you as you navigate the busy and often stressful end of year period. Please feel free to contact us to arrange a time to meet with one of our friendly therapists. Contact us on 6381 0071 to learn more about how we can support you.
